Season 3 Episode 3 “The Final Step” Creating your “THAT GIRL” Evening Routine
LOLA: It’s still Black History Month so Happy Black History month y’all. I have really been learning a lot of things about Black history and just how much I didn’t learn in school about many things in our history that were just never taught and only learned after doing your own extensive deep dives to find information. But for the longest we wouldn’t even think to do that because what are you going to look for if you don’t know there’s something you need to look for, ya know? But the girls I’ve watched on TikTok have been killing it with the creative videos sharing black history and really TikTok has been my favorite place to be once again. I loved it and played around with it during the pandemic and I’m back into it again and I recently stumbled upon blackgirltiktok, regularblackgirltiktok, and blackgirlluxurytiktok and I’m loving it all. I’ve been trying to really curate my social media feeds to things that inspire me and that I love rather than things that make me sad or just don’t fit the vibe I’m trying to go with. I also learned I think either through TikTok or Facebook about a murder that I hadn’t even heard about until it popped up on social media which is the Lauren Smith-Fields’ Bumble Date case.
It’s such a crazy case and the way the authorities and everyone in charge to find her murderer and bring justice just absolutely have dropped the ball. It’s so hard to find information about the case and I feel like if Cardi B didn’t say something about it on Twitter we probably still wouldn’t have known. She was a beautiful black college educated, goal-oriented woman who was very close with her family especially her mother. She was on YouTube and I watched a little of some of her videos and she seemed like such a cool and down to earth chic. But sadly, she met a white male on Bumble for a date and was then found deceased in her apartment, her family wasn’t even notified by police or authorities of any kind, they found out from a note stuck to Laurens’s apartment door that told them to contact police If they were looking for Lauren. Her cause of death was ruled “an accident” and that she died of a combination of fentanyl, other drugs, and alcohol. Lauren was not a drug user so this combination on a night that she was just meeting someone doesn’t even make sense. The man she went on a date with who claimed they did not sleep together though a used condom with semen inside was found at the scene and he was the one who called 911 when he claimed he got up to use the bathroom and Lauren was unresponsive and bleeding from her nose a little. He wasn’t even detained at the scene y’all.
He was seen as a “nice guy” by the police so he wasn’t even questioned. No evidence was taken, no DNA swabs, nothing. There’s talk that he has friends on the force or with high ups which would not surprise me one bit considering he just skipped off scot free. Whether he killed Lauren or not his story of that night is sketchy as hell and just doesn’t add up. The proper protocol was not followed at all. So, let’s keep spreading the word about Laurens’s murder so her killer can be found and her family can receive some justice for the loss of their loved one and she can finally rest in peace.
LOLA: Hey y’all and welcome back to the podcast. If this is your first episode of the podcast, hello and welcome. I’m Lola and I’m so glad you’re here. We’re working on our nightly routine today as the last step of our That Girl daily routine plan.
One thing I have been doing because like I said your daily routine needs to be tailored to you. Don’t just follow along with what someone else is doing just because it looks good or it works for them. You have to make sure you’re implementing things that are going to be conducive to your growth and things that you’re also going to want to stick to. So, for me, I don’t necessarily journal every morning or meditate regularly so to speak. Sometimes my morning routine consists of me putting on music I like or a podcast and starting my day that way. Something that gets me in the mood to start the day. I was listening to Morning Rae podcast with Allana Blumberg and she was talking about the Mood playlist on apple podcast.
I checked that out one day while I was cleaning and I actually really like that playlist, it’s been my go-to for everything from driving, working, and cleaning so thanks for the rec girl, lol. I usually listen to a lot of r n b, some hip hop, country, and old school and when I say old school I mean like Al Green old school, lol. I also listen to a lot of DJ Shale old school mixes on SoundCloud. Her playlists are bomb af. I don’t really listen to the radio or satellite radio at all. I can’t stand the fact that they play the same songs on a loop repetitively. I’ve heard Adele’s song 50 million times and its haunting at this point, lmao. So, I listen to a lot of playlists and mixes. I don’t really change my music for my kids but I also won’t play Half on a sack with my 7 yr. old in the car ya know what I mean? Lol So if you have some playlist suggestions let me know. I also add all of my oldest daughter Bryannas playlists to my apple music and Spotify because she keeps me up to date on the new good music, lol.
LOLA: Ok, y’all I’m back and today we’re going over the last steps of developing our THAT GIRL motivation plan. We’ve already gotten the morning routine, AM/PM Work routine, and now were getting into the evening routine today. The last and final part to the day that will help you end out a successful day with less stress and help you prepare for tomorrow. I had to work on my night time routine for sure because it was all over the place. It’s still a little shaky but I’m working with my new THAT GIRL routine just like y’all so we can do this together. My husband works late sometimes and were both night owls by default so naturally going to bed late has stuck with us since our teen years. But ending your day in a thoughtful and effective way is just as important as starting it out well.
Your evening routine should support your goals and help you set up for the following day. One thing that I find to be very efficient, whether you have kids or not is getting my outfits out for the week. I did this even when I was single and had no kids. It’s just a really efficient time saver and can really help relieve stress because it’s a bunch of things you don’t have to worry about. Being an influencer and working on sets for things has shown me that preparation is certainly key. Having your outfit out for the next day is just one less thing you have to worry about for the day. One more thing that’s out of your mind so you have less thought clutter and less to brain dump. Usually when I work in a salon since we do full body waxing, brows, lashes, etc. we usually wear uniforms. Even when I worked for myself doing lashes, I wore scrubs so that way it was easier when I was getting ready for work. No fuss or confusion because my work outfit was already decided. So even if you don’t wear a uniform for work or whatever, you can still pick out your clothes for the week and that way all you have to do is get up, get dressed, and go. It makes a world of difference when you have kids also.
I usually like to do everything I need to do to prepare for the next day before I shower and get into my night clothes. Mainly because I want to be done with everything and be able to shower, do a face mask, and relax and watch tv or something before bed. But again, everyone’s routine is different so whatever works for you first that’s how you’re going to work out your routine.
LOLA: So, let’s go over the steps for your evening routine and then we can go into what or how you want to arrange your routine. In your evening routine you want to relax, spend time on a hobby, choose your clothes for the next day, learn something that will further your career, review your to-do list, review your goals, and go to bed on time. As I said I like to unwind and watch a show or something before bed. So, find something that provides mental relaxation for you and do that. Reading, watching tv, listening to music or podcasts, taking a walk. Whatever you like to do to relax just do that.
Being successful also comes with having some leisure time. You can’t just work all the time; you need to do something you enjoy doing and that relaxes you too. Spending time on a hobby you genuinely enjoy is important. Learn a new hobby if you don’t have one currently, take a painting class or something. Just think outside the box.
You want to get your ducks in a row for the next day. So, like I said for me I like to get my clothes together, my kid’s clothes together, and then review my to-do list and any goals that I have planned for the next day. I like to get all the technical stuff out of the way before the relaxing. That way I can journal at night as well if I didn’t get to do it in the morning or chose not to or whatever. I can go in and write anything down that’s on my mind and then I can go into relaxing.
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You can even follow the awkward Mom Stage on audible now. So go get started on that reading list but let’s wait until after the show…
LOLA: Getting to bed on time has been my biggest obstacle. As I’ve said many times, I am a night owl and it’s hard for me to just turn it off at night. Especially if things are still going on downstairs or my husband is still awake. I stay up because he’s still up but I need to change that because we do not run off the same schedules or do the same things during the day so we clearly need different sleep schedules. So, I have to start back to getting in bed by 11pm. Which actually is funny because my husband wants to get back to going to bed at 11 too so I mean I guess that’s good for both of us but, I did the calculations and time experiments last year to see when I needed to get in the bed and everything to get the sleep that I need for the next day and for me not to feel tired the next day. 11pm was the time that seems to work well for me to be able to get up at 7 and start my day and be able to continue through it without feeling exhausted mid-morning.
You want to create your day with a routine that makes having a successful day more likely. So, consider your goals and responsibilities at work and then develop a routine that supports those endeavors. While others are wasting their free and downtime scrolling, you’re laying the foundation to getting ahead and achieving your goals faster and easier.
“Success or failure depends more upon attitude than upon capacity. Successful men act as though they have accomplished or are enjoying something. Soon it becomes a reality. Act, look, feel successful, conduct yourself accordingly, and you will be amazed at the positive results.” -William James
My THAT GIRL persona is definitely something I am focused on this year because I have so many plans, goals, and dreams that I would like to achieve and the only way to do that is to make sure that you have a routine that embodies the success that you are trying to build for yourself. I was always full of excuses and reasons why I couldn’t get anything done but the truth was that I couldn’t really get anything done because I was too busy wasting time doing other things that could have been done later or really could have been done in a matter of minutes, I was just dragging them out or procrastinating. It’s funny because were always yelling at our kids to do certain things and then we realize like hey my kids just like me because I definitely do that now as an adult, lmao.
Obviously, our routines and lives aren’t going to change overnight. They also aren’t going to just start going great magically. Just this morning I was hit with an unexpected bill and even though I had a productive morning and my routine was going well, shit I didn’t like still happened. I think that’s something else we have to work on as well which is we get so pissed off about something that didn’t go our way were ready to just throw in the towel after that and just say well damn this day sucks when it’s like no today doesn’t suck this situation sucks. This obstacle I have to get over sucks but I was actually just able to pay the bill though I was annoyed af about it and I know that bitchy customer service agent could have fixed my issue but she just didn’t want to because I feel like customer service workers depending on what profession they’re in are like the absolute shittiest people of life man, I’m sorry but if you have a terrible attitude at your job just fucking quit. Do us all a favor and find a job that doesn’t involve you talking to people because you suck at it.
But anyway, that was just me ranting about terrible customer service reps. Also, don’t come for me because I’ve been a customer service rep more than once for years out of my life and I would never speak to my customers the way some of these reps’ act like these people are pulling credit cards out the reps’ pocket, lmao.
Anyway, I guess I went on that rant just to say that having a good routine doesn’t mean that everything will always be perfect or run smooth but it will help you to get through those rocky patches a little easier because you were already prepared in your day for everything else you had to encounter. When you have less things on your mind weighing your thought process down then its easier to get and stay on track and to catch yourself when you’re caught off guard.
If you develop a routine that’s geared towards supporting your success and repeating them daily that almost guarantees success in the continent of your life that repeats it’s worthy of a routine basically if you keep doing something repetitively it will become a habit and you now have a new routine. The period of time before work sets the stage for the rest of the day the pre-work routine can ensure that you arrive to work on time, you’re motivated your energetic, you’re looking and feeling your best. Contrast you’re that girl attitude and appearance and your productivity and everyone’s gonna be looking like oh OK so her positivity easily stand out and she’s clearly here to work and not play games. Your work morning is an optimal time to gather information and strategically apply it to the rest of your day handle your daily tasks quickly and on time communicate with your team boss peers whoever it is that you work for or with or if you’re at home.
You want to use your late afternoons to tie up loose ends, take care of business that doesn’t require a lot of preparation for the following day, you know basically wrap up your day so that way when you head home you can focus more on family things or hobbies or literally anything other than work for the remainder of the day. So, you want to ensure you’re spending at least a part of your evening on an enjoyable activity don’t swamp yourself with work and stress. Overall, your routine supports your goals. You should have a set of goals prior to developing your various routines so that way it’s easier for you to develop the routine if you don’t have anything to put on a schedule then you can’t schedule anything. 30 minutes is a small price to pay for success you’re already spending the time complaining about how you don’t have the time so spend the time in a way that’s going to positively impact and enhance your life.
“Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.” -Orison Swett Marden
LOLA: I know that the “that girl” trend and even the organization and cleaning thing has been getting a lot of shit from other people. Like there’s this battle online of moms who don’t clean or have a shit ton of clutter or whatever and they basically are like the ones that organize and clean are fake and that’s not real life and it’s like the reality is that it is real life. It’s just not real life for you. There are people, myself included who do not like clutter and whether we have kids or not we like to take the time to clean. Now I won’t sit and say that my house is pristine because it’s not by any means. But I take the time to clean, declutter, organize, donate, minimalize, etc. If you don’t mind clutter that’s fine, if you feel like you don’t need to wash clothes for a month, that’s fine but don’t shit on those who do not live that way and don’t want to. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their kids because they spent time cleaning, lmao. Most of the time they do it while their kids are preoccupied or at school or whatever. But this like clutter is cool, I only shower twice a week, normalize everyone being chaotic. No, if you can take the time to talk shit on an app then you can clean your damn house and shower, simple as that. If that’s not what you want to do fine but for the ones that don’t, they are no less “real” than you are.
We’re supposed to be in a time where we uplift women and stand by each other and it seems that I see more and more women trying to tear each other down for literally everything. You won’t get anywhere by being a pick me boo, I promise. They will still treat you the same, lol.
LOLA: Alright y’all that’s it for today’s episode. Once again were ending the podcast off with something were grateful for and for me this week, I am grateful for a safe trip to and from Florida this past week over the little break that we had. My oldest daughter had dance nationals and it was so fun to watch her and her teammates. They did amazing and I’m so proud. So, yea that’s what I am grateful for this week just getting to love on and support my babies in their art and dreams. I also loved it because there was some girl power themed dances and it was really great. I loved watching the girls cheer each other on and lift each other up. It’s crazy that children can behave better than adults sometimes and I love the fact that this generation is becoming more self-aware and more caring towards each other’s feelings. Self- love and self- care are becoming more mainstream and that’s another thing that baffles me about the organizing and that girl trend hating that’s happening is because why the hell are we discouraging healthy living and cleanliness? It’s considered fake now to want to have a clean home, exercise, obedient pets, an organized fridge that’s not filled with food that went back 6 months ago.
Like instead be glad the trend is waking up early and cleaning and not tide pods ya know. Obviously, it’s not everywhere and we have a long way to go but it shows it’s still possible to not be terrible people in the world, especially to each other. I think women especially black women get beat on in the world enough. Not just physically but mentally, emotionally, financially. We have heavy burdens laid on us daily and expectations placed on us by men who aren’t even capable of half of the things we are. We’ve had laws placed on our bodies and blocked from things simply because were women. They rush us to get married and have children young only to then throw us to the waste side when we’re no longer what they want or need. But we would never get that credit from them because they didn’t even want us to vote. But, that’s another fight for another day. I hope you enjoyed this little THAT GIRL series.
This year is all about empowerment and building the life you want. A good routine certainly Is at the top of the list of things you need to be that bitch, ok? Lol. Next week I’m sitting down and going over all the books and podcasts that I’ve been listening to and loving. All the things that are helping build a THAT GIRL mentality and helping to build healthy habits, self- love, and happiness. I’m also working on the next series I’m going to do on the podcast and I’m booking guests for season 3 of the podcast as well so stay tuned for that. I will keep you updated on social media as well.
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Well, That’s it, that’s all y’all until next week. Always Remember You’re Beautiful! Lola.
BUZZSPROUT AD: Lola: Do you wanna start a podcast but you don’t know where to start? As the host and producer of this podcast I can tell you it’s definitely not easy. When I started out I had absolutely no idea what I was doing or where to start. Actually, I still kinda don’t know what I’m doing, LOL.
Buzzsprout has been my go too from the start of my podcast. They have so many helpful videos on hosting, how to edit, how to add music, how to post, what to post, I mean you name it they help you with it and their Facebook community is helpful too. So let me tell you now, if you’re a podcaster and you’re trying to start a podcast, or you already have a podcast and you’re looking for a host, definitely check out Buzzsprout, they have everything you need to get started even a domain name if you don’t already have one.
Trust me I’m no tech genius and Buzzsprout has definitely been my saving, Grace. So, if you’re interested you can click the link in the show notes to get started on your podcasting journey.
Now back to the show…
PODCAST OUTRO: Lola: Thanks for joining me this week on The Awkward Mom Stage podcast. Make sure to visit our Instagram page @theawkwardmomstage, where you can follow and find information on next week’s show, updates for the podcast, behind the scenes clips, and more. You can subscribe to the show on iTunes Apple podcast, google podcast, Spotify or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast shows. While you’re at it, if you are enjoying the show, I’d appreciate it so much if you rate the show on iTunes or share this podcast with a friend. Be sure to tune in next week for an all-new episode.
I hope you have an awesome week! “Always Remember You’re Beautiful!”